Sporting a San Anto medal just in case

Blessed be the eternal God; for the fishes of the sea honour him more than men without faith, and animals without reason listen to his word with greater attention than sinful heretics.

St. Anthony on the river
St. Anthony on the river

It is said that on that day, June 13, 2013, the fish gathered around him.

With great expectations, they gazed upward.

So many fish bobbed in the waters of the San Antonio River, barge traffic was halted.

The fish waited and waited to hear words of tribute. They waited for sounds of great celebration.

You probably think I am referring to the honkers, the ones who exuberantly circle the streets of downtown just above St. Anthony’s head whenever the Spurs are victorious.

Which they were not doing on June 13, the Feast Day of San Antonio de Padua, the patron saint of San Antonio.

Yes, the Spurs seemed lost. And, he, the patron saint of lost things, was all but ignored. Save by the fish.

St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Turn around.
I’ve lost something
That can’t be found.

Not everyone ignores St. Anthony.

What’s wrong with this video? It’s from Boston.

"Mission San Antonio de Valero Missing," digital collage by Gayle Brennan Spencer
“Mission San Antonio de Valero Missing,” digital collage by Gayle Brennan Spencer. Visit http://postscardssanantonio.com.

This festival does not take place here. In this city. In front of his mission.

St. Anthony is not vengeful. Surely the Spurs’ loss was mere coincidence. If saints interceded in sports, would St. Anthony have looked down more kindly on the team of his namesake city or the Celtics?

After all, here, in the heart of his city, we are in danger of losing even his mission. Mission San Antonio de Valero. But it’s rarely called by its proper name. You probably know it as the Alamo.

For a while, there was a spark of hope for an emerging celebration of our patron saint. An artist, Rolando Briseno, sought attention for the overlooked day on the calendar.

Flippin' San Antonio Fiesta 2011
Flippin’ San Antonio Fiesta 2011

He brought us a Flippin’ San Alamo Fiesta and a Flippin’ San Antonio Fiesta on June 13 a while back. An emerging grand Fiesta Patronal seemed on the horizon for future years.

But, alas, this year on the Feast Day of St. Anthony, the artist instead submitted a commentary to the San Antonio Express-News.

In this published piece, Briseno explains the rationale behind his earlier fiestas:

Tejanos, the first European/mestizo settlers of Texas and builders of the Alamo, and Latinos in general do not feel welcome at the Alamo today because the narrative has been spun into one of Anglo hegemony….

Little by little, over time, the Tejano role has been written out of the history books. Now that the Daughters of the Republic of Texas are no longer in control of the narrative at the Alamo, I’m among many who hope the Tejano contributions will be given just representation.

But Briseno has faith in the great state of Texas to rectify this, so there was no grand Fiesta Patronal:

I am not performing “Spinning San Antonio Fiesta” this year because Texas Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson, the new caretaker, has stated that he would like to change the Alamo’s narrative to be more inclusive.

This could make the Alamo a place where all people can go to leave behind discord and contemplate the convergence of cultures, and this, in turn, will make for a more harmonious future. That’s an ideal worth making a shrine for.

He’s right about the ideal. But I fear he is overly optimistic in his expectations of the commissioner.

There is much pressure building among the Alamobsessive to make Alamo Plaza a shrine to one day in history. And that day is not June 13.

Unlike Briseno, I fear that moment in 1836 will conquer the layers upon layers of history of great importance to our city that the plaza represents, both before and after the battle.

I’m not debating the historical importance of March 6, 1836, the Battle of the Alamo.

I’m not demeaning the sacrifices of those who perished in the battle, whether Mexicans or Texians. My dreams of Davy Crockett go way back.

And I do think millions who head to the plaza annually would benefit from better interpretation of that event on site.

But, I wonder whether the heroes of the day would want that moment in time frozen, the moment they were shot or impaled upon a bayonet.

If you were killed in a war, would you want those left behind to focus on the exact second the last drop of blood gushed from your body? Would you want them to visit that spot over and over and over, reliving your dramatic departure?

Or would you want them to remember what went on before, while you were alive?

And would you want to feel your sacrifice was worthwhile? Instead of being a static war memorial, would you want the plaza where you died returned to a place of life in the heart of a city filled with exuberant celebrations?

Briseno might be breathing easier, but I think it’s premature.

san-antoAs there is yet a Fiesta Patronal, I think some of us better don a St. Anthony medal if we want the story of Mission San Antonio de Valero to be found.

And, maybe, just maybe, it’s a good idea to go buy one before the play-off game tonight.

That way, at least the fish will hear honkers celebrating above St. Anthony’s head.

Go Spurs, Go!candle

Post-Game Update on June 19, 2013:

Maybe medals alone are not potent enough.

Time to ignite the power of a St. Anthony candle for Thursday night.

And, if we are not going to have a festival in his honor in San Antonio, I sure wish I could spend his feast day in his birthplace, Lisbon.

Pre-Game Update on June 20, 2013:

From “Nuns calling on the fan upstairs: For the naysayers who think Spurs don’t have a prayers” by Abe Levy in this morning’s San Antonio Express-News:

Would you deny the prayer of Sister Rosalba Garcia, 85?

A Spurs flag flutters from her walker next to a Spurs Coyote doll. On her closet door are team photos and a poster of her all-time favorite player, Manu Ginobili, next to a portrait of Sister Mary Mazzarello, the Salesians’ cofounder.

The photos accompanying this story are priceless.

Bob Owen photograph in San Antonio Express-News, June 20, 2013
Bob Owen photograph in San Antonio Express-News, June 20, 2013

Breaking news from the Alamo: The horse is already out of the barn.

Hate to employ such a tired cliché, but it is so to the point.

Not sure whom in the state government Commissioner Jerry Patterson offended to be tossed into the lions’ den of Alamo politics, but the additional Sisyphean task of defending the Alamo against copyright infringement might just send the commissioner calling for an appointment at Alamo Psychiatric Care, conveniently located just outside the compound’s walls and one of more than 1,000 such-named businesses operating right here in the Alamo City.

If one were Alamobsessive to the extreme, one could go through one’s whole life in San Antonio only patronizing businesses electing to honor our Texas heroes by remembering the Alamo in their names. You could comfortably live in the ’09 neighborhood named for its location on a rise overlooking the poor flatlanders living near the Alamo itself.

You could come into and leave this world that way, literally go from cradle to grave, progressing from delivery as a baby by Alamo obstetricians to your final embalmment at Alamo Funeral Home. In this city, as across much of Texas, there is virtually no need to contract for any non-Alamo service from the floors in your house to chimney sweeps on your rooftop (Although in conducting research for this post, I confess I failed to click on any Alamo escort services, fearing I might catch a plague of never-ending promiscuity-promoting pop-ups.).

Last month’s Alamo crisis was all about alcohol. Only last night, Alamo Beer was served publicly on Alamo Plaza. Imagine that.

The Daughters of the Republic of Texas defending the Alamo against an invasion of hooch tend to overlook the abundance of hooch-holding receptacles available in their own gift shop. René Guzman of the San Antonio Express-News described the numerous opportunities to take a “shot for the shrine:”

Next to coffee mugs, shot glasses pack the Alamo gift shop like so many troops of varying heights, widths and alcohol-holding capacities. And nothing puts the “shot” in shot glass quite like an Alamo shotgun-shell shot glass ($4.95) and One Last Shot! pistol shot glass ($4.25). If you prefer your liquor with a bit more dignity, try the Crockett, Bowie and William Travis shot glass three-pack ($9.95).

Helen L. Montoya photo from Express-News
Photographer Helen L. Montoya of the San Antonio Express-News took photos of items from the Alamo Gift Shop. For some reason, the Daughters of the Republic of Texas diligently defend the inner sanctum of the Alamo Gift Shop from photographers.

Yes, Commissioner Patterson, for lessons in preserving the dignity when remembering the Alamo, you need look no farther than the gift shop shelves themselves. As Guzman wrote:

Dig a little deeper and you’ll find more kitsch than you can throw a rubber Bowie knife at.
The newest commercial affront to the dignity of the shrine arises in the Alamo’s front yard, on the river at the base of the Hyatt Regency, from a lowly worm – The Worm Tequila and Mescal Bar. According to a story in the Express-News by Scott Huddleston, the owners of the bar were seeking a trademark of the phrase “I Can’t Remember the Alamo.”

The General Land Office, newly charged to defend the Alamo and the shelves in its gift shop, rose to the charge. According to Huddleston:

In the new trademark case, the Land Office said the issue is not about alcohol, but preservation of an 1836 Texian battle cry, “Remember the Alamo,” that, to many, still captures the spirit of Texas and the state’s proud but complex history.
Mark Loeffler, Land Office spokesman, said Qwercky’s application mentions mugs, clothing and even underwear as potential merchandise.
“Surely there must be other ways to promote a bar than disparaging the memory of not only the defenders of the Alamo, but the Spanish priests and Native Americans who died there during the 300-year history of the mission,” he said.

The General Land Office need not fear this affront to the battle cry “Remember the Alamo,” emblazoned for years, sometimes in compromising positions, on the front of t-shirts in shop display windows encircling the plaza. The wheels of justice in the state of Texas sometimes turn slowly, but vigilante justice already has taken its course.

The messenger recently escaped from behind the Alamo walls, a Daughter disowned by her siblings, Sarah Reveley summoned the power of facebook to alert the hotel hosting the new bar to the potential dangers to the hotel’s reputation. The response was swift:

Dear Sarah,
I am in receipt of the note you sent our corporate office today regarding your concern over marketing programs by one of our tenants. The Worm is a leased outlet on the river level of our hotel and is an autonomous operation. We unfortunately were not aware of this marketing position and trademark request by the operator until today. I have spoken to the owner and conveyed our concerns with this and have in fact exercised the hotels right that prohibit any advertising that tends to impair the reputation of the area. I have conferred with the owner of this establishment and he is withdrawing the trademark request.

Regards,
Peter
Peter McMahon
General Manager Hyatt Regency San Antonio

If the cash-strapped founders of the Republic of Texas had the foresight to comprehend the potential commercial value of the “Alamo” after the crushing defeat, they certainly would have arrived on the plaza as soon as possible to stake their claim to the word. But they did not, and Alamo businesses began to multiply almost immediately.

Of course, a dramatic way for the General Land Office to leave all the thousands of businesses with Alamo logos throughout the country out in the cold is to give the Alamo a crewcut. Return the facade to its time-of-the-battle flat-top, and trademark the new outline. That would certainly leave warehouses in China full of thousands of outdated t-shirts and shot glasses.
But, with the need for immediate action averted, perhaps Commissioner Patterson should adopt an unusual strategy. “Alamo” is so widespread, it seems impossible to regulate. So don’t.
While it is not in the spirit of the defenders to surrender, raise the white flag. Instead of carefully monitoring people applying to trademark Alamo-this or Alamo-that, rule that there will be absolutely no trademarks issued in the state of Texas with the word “Alamo” in them at all. If entrepreneurs can’t corner the market on a tacky item or ensure competitors can’t immediately copy the name of their businesses, the number of so-named products and businesses might decrease instead of increasing.
Plus, after years of abuse and indignities, some of them suffered within the walls of the Alamo Gift Shop itself, few battle sites in the world are as well-remembered as the Alamo. Even “I can’t remember the Alamo” only makes one remember the Alamo.
Blue Book No. 1, “See Sallie After the Alamo,” digital collage by Gayle Brennan Spencer, http://postcardssanantonio.com.

Update on August 24, 2012San Antonio Express-News editorial suggests “Land Office should drop errant suit:”

Now Patterson has waded into an ill-considered trademark battle with the owner of two bars seeking to block use of an irreverent riff on the battle cry, “Remember the Alamo!” The bar owner is using the phrase, “I Can’t Remember the Alamo.” In a notice filed with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, the Land Office argued that the “applicant’s mark disparages the deceased combatants of the Battle of the Alamo by communicating that their sacrifice was not worthy of memory or esteem.”

The objections of the Land Office are ironic, given the criticism directed at it by those who objected that allowing alcohol to be served at Alamo Hall disparaged the sacrifice of Alamo defenders. The two bars are a block or more away from Alamo Plaza.

The Land Office and taxpayers have a legitimate interest in seeing that the state’s trademark on the phrase “The Alamo” is not infringed upon or diluted. Patrons purchasing “I Can’t Remember the Alamo” merchandise at the bars are not likely to believe those items are officially licensed, any more than they are likely to believe that restaurants or rental car companies that incorporate the Alamo in their names have an official connection to the Cradle of Texas Liberty.

Update on August 28, 2012:  Scott Huddleston reports for the Express-News that the General Land Office has hired a firm to manage the gift shop at the Alamo:

Jerry Gilbert, vice president of marketing for Event Network, said the firm was thrilled and humbled to be at the Alamo, and committed to working with the DRT and Land Office in balancing consumerism with reverence at the site. “We’re tremendously sensitive to that issue,” Gilbert said. “We’ll always err toward being smart, being careful.”

If Event Network can’t limbo under the current height of the bar for balancing consumerism and reverence in stocking merchandise, it would be called Ripley’s.

Happy birthday, oh fan most loyal…

As I am trying to stay focused on other writing projects, my blog posts are few and far between.

Not that anyone has been complaining.

Not surprisingly, readership has tapered off dramatically.

Except for my fan most loyal.

No matter how stale the posts are, this follower returns again and again. So frequent are those visits, WordPress tries to block them to keep its internet arteries unclogged.

But he is persistent, slipping through the second WordPress lets its guard down.

I knew little about him, so today I decided to learn more.

He turned 75 this year. And he must be well-educated.

Well, not that well-educated. Admittedly, his grammar is poor. In fact, his favorite post appears to be a photo with a spelling error in its title: “sandwish board.” This also means he has poor taste, as the photo is of an illegal, tacky sign plopped in the middle of a sidewalk on Alamo Plaza.

He speaks some Japanese, I think. And he appears fluent in Russian, at least as far as I can tell from trying to read his comments. Even though I rudely never respond to his comments – one of my numerous excuses being my ignorance of the Russian language – he never wavers in his loyalty.

With only a little research, I found out why he speaks Russian:

“Without Spam, we wouldn’t have been able to feed our army.”

Nikita Khrushchev, ‘Khrushchev Remembers’ (1970)

According to www.spam.com, more than 100 million cans of Spam were shipped out to feed the Allied troops during World War II, which, under the lend-lease program, included those of the USSR.

Yes, Spam the man is my number one fan (Sorry, Hormel, I just don’t get the all-caps thing.).

So, here’s Spammy, as Hormel affectionately calls him >

The one-billionth can of Spam was produced in 1959.

I thought Spam disappeared from the shelves as soon as babyboomers entered adolescence.

Until today, I assumed a can of Spam was like the tin of fruitcake described by Johnny Carson:

There is only one fruitcake in the world, and people keep sending it to each other.

But I was so mistaken. I underestimated Spam’s resiliency. According to this frightening statistic on foodreference.com, 3.6 cans of Spam are consumed every second.

I also underestimated his versatility. Spam is oh so much more than something served simply sliced straight out of the can.

According to the official website, Spam has taken on an international flair to suit our changing palates. The combinations are beyond your wildest dreams (or worst nightmares?). Do you like green eggs and Spam?

I will spare you the glossy photos of the outcomes, but a few recipes Hormel proudly shares are polenta topped with Spam and black bean salsa, Spam wontons, Spam musubi and huevos Spamcheros. But come November, you probably just want to rely on that all-American favorite, “Spamsgiving Day Delight.”

Oh, please, spare us, Sam. Put that Spam back in the can.

The most amazing thing I found out about my fan Spam today is why he has a layer of jiggly jelly. I assumed it was for long-term preservation so he could be stored in bomb shelters. But the preservative in Spam is simply sodium nitrate, about which Hormel strives to make you feel good:

Small amounts of sodium nitrate are found in delicious meats like hot dogs…. It helps preserve the pink color of meat. And no one likes gray meat.

No, the real reason is Spam actually is cooked directly in the can. So naturally his fat rises to the top. Cooking and cooling a can of Spam is as time-consuming as cooking a turkey; it takes Hormel three hours.

So, Spam, my fan. It was good to get to know more about you today. I think it’s wise wordpress.com screens out thousands of your clicks on my blog. The sheer numbers might go to my head, encouraging me to post more often.

And happy birthday, you old-75-year-old you. You don’t look a day older than the day you were first canned.

Just please, don’t wear your birthday suit around me. Keep your can about you. I want to have something to pass down to my grandchildren.