This Deadly Scenario Should Not Have Been Written

7 deadly scenariosAndrew Krepinevish has done what I would have sworn impossible.  He has almost managed to evoke a sentimental attachment to all of the horrible signage violations invading the Alamo Plaza Historic District, even Shamu disrespectfully flipping his tail toward the shrine of Texas liberty.

The West Point and Harvard graduate struck a little too close to home – only about six or seven blocks away – in one of his 7 Deadly Scenarios: A Military Futurist Explores War in the 21st Century.  His book, not light end-of-the-summer beach-reading material, was published in January 2009 by Random House, and I’m probably the last person to hear about it.  But the “future” he described is nearly here, and he is picking on the 175th anniversary of the Battle of the Alamo:

At precisely 8:28 a.m. on the morning of March 6, 2011, just as the city’s morning rush hour is at its peak…

Sorry to interrupt his story, but have the reenactors cleared out before 8:30, or are they in big trouble?  Am I on the plaza at the tail end of my morning walk?

…a blinding flash of light rips through the downtown area.  Nearby buildings are immediately vaporized.  Buildings farther off buckle and collapse….  A local television station’s traffic helicopter captures the blast at a distance of nearly nine miles away.  As the telltale mushroom cloud begins to rise from the city, the traffic reporter remarks, “My God, it’s an atomic bomb!…”

“Remarks?”  My loft and I were just vaporized.  That reverse commute my husband makes five days a week sounds pretty appealing at this point in the narrative.  I sure hope this is Krepinevich’s worst-case scenario.

The lead shot on the evening news, not only in America but around the world that night, centers on two images: the footage from the traffic helicopter with the reporter’s horrified voice-over; and on-the-scene reporters standing at locations where the severely damaged Alamo mission – the shrine to Texas’s independence – can be seen in the distant background.

The Daughters of the Republic of Texas must have gotten the roof repaired in order for it to withstand such a powerful attack, but I’m not reading another word.  This book gives me the creeps.  Ban this book. 

I certainly prefer a symphonic concert for the 175th anniversary.  But tell the reenactors to be on alert, and please, Tony, maybe don’t hang the banner.  Let’s not give the nefarious characters invented by Krepinevich that kind of directional signage. 

Rather selfish of me (an understatement much like “remarks”), but could we instead install a banner steering them toward the “reel” Alamo, John Wayne’s Alamo, the one in Brackettville? 

Update on August 31:  The “reel” Alamo is closing to the public. 

Slip-Sliding Backwards on Alamo Plaza Signage

Such a sad birthday greeting this morning on my way to workout.  The 1891 Reuter Building is one of the most handsome landmarks on Alamo Plaza.  Yet there he is – a huge Shamu brazenly filling the building’s beautiful arched window.  I was too saddened to even stop and take a photograph.     

This violates the City’s Unified Development Code in so many ways, particularly as I am sure Sea World is not behind those doors.  Will no one put a stop to the runaway commercialization of the Alamo Plaza Historic District?     

Reuter Building
This photograph shows the commercialization of the facade of the Reuter Building prior to the installation of Shamu in the middle window.

 

I hope the San Antonio Conservation Society will decide to spring into action to defend this affront to the Society’s property.  This is the Conservation Society’s facade according to its website:     

The facade was given to the San Antonio Conservation Society Foundation by the building’s owner, Mr. Thomas Wright, in May, 1978, and was the first such gift accepted by the Foundation. It was restored with funds from the Foundation, the owner, and a matching grant from the U.S. Department of the Interior administered by the Texas Historical Commission.     

The Society helped shrink the banner; surely they can shrivel up this Shamu beached on Alamo Plaza.     

Update on August 14:   Pictures do say it better; so I went back to Alamo Plaza on my morning walk.   Tried to restrict photos to the topic at hand, but portable signboards are creeping back out some of the businesses’ doors and the Alfred Giles-designed Crockett Block has the same window issues as the Reuter Building.     

Update on August 31:  The Historic Design and Review Commission has some tightening of signage regulations on its agenda tomorrow, which is great.  But only if it is enforced.  Hopefully, the tightening and clarification of who’s in charge means enforcement ahead….  We’ll know when we get to wave goodbye to Shamu, ads for the Buckhorn and all the other clutter.

Gayle in jail. Please send bail.

We’ve been here before.  Friday the 13th is my birthday (surely you don’t suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia). 

I thought it would be great because, after all of this time, that is the day we finally are scheduled to upload Last Farm Standing on Buttermilk Hill: Voelcker Roots Run Deep in Hardberger Park to the printers.  Getting a 240-page book on the press should be something to celebrate, but my birthday looks more like gloom and doom.  (Click here to help me now.)

Law enforcement officers are picking me up and locking me away in The Vault on August 12 as part of the MDA (Muscular Dystrophy Association) Lock-Up.  While some of my friends have shown their generosity and compassion, others seem to have their hands stuck in their pockets, meaning I have not yet raised my required bail – $2,000.  (Click here to help me now.)

Fearing I might not be able to secure the funds to get out, I thought I better hatch a back-up plan.  Jail break.  Zinc and Boudro’s are donating a last meal to all of MDA’s prisoners.  Maybe I can find a way to surreptitiously slip my utensils under my bra (Ow!).  (Click here to donate now.)

I asked Ronnie of Zinc Bistro to show me where I would prefer to spend my sentence, next door and the floor below.  The wine cellar.  If I could just tunnel from The Vault into Zinc’s wine cellar, I would be content to stay imprisoned for life.  (If I can tunnel into the wine cellar, you don’t have to give a penny.)

But then Ronnie took me up to The Vault where I will be locked up.  He laughed cruelly as he showed me the thickness of the door on the huge safe, and said all four walls, the ceiling and, unfortunately, the floor are the same thickness.  No way I’ll be able to dig out of there with a knife and fork.   There is no escape.  (Click here to help me escape now.)

So I am back to pleading with those of you who have not yet done so to please pull your hands out of your pockets right now

My bail money can be your tax deduction

Your gift to the Muscular Dystrophy Association could help send a child to summer camp or fund life-saving research. 

Plus it’s my birthday.   So please, please, please click here to bail Gayle out of jail.

And, hey, I’ll take Friday the 13th over any Monday.

Update on August 12:  The police car came and took me away, but, thanks, thanks and more thanks to a rather philanthropic hand of followers (who did, however, make me sweat it out until the last minute, but all’s well that ends well), I served no time.  Enjoyed the bountiful spread contributed to the incarcerated by Zinc and Boudro’s, but particularly enjoyed one of “the secrets from the cellar” one of the owners shared with me:  JC Cellars 2005 The Imposter, a 92 on Wine Spectator described as:

As exotic as it is potent, with deep blackberry liqueur, sandalwood and wild game aromas and rich, ripe cassis, blueberry and licorice flavors that power on toward the bold, spicy finish. Zinfandel, Mourvedre, Petite Sirah and Syrah.

And, best of all, I will be free to drink again tomorrow on my birthday.